Mailed back the last sets of stones for the Graduate Gemologist degree. that's was the last class, and now I have a practical final on the first, and should I pass that 100%, which is likely, I will have finished the degree! I think there are 2 other GG's in the state. They only graduate a few hundred world wide a year, and I have the Graduate specific areas for Diamonds and Pearls too.

Now on to other projects that have waited too long and to a new resume'.

So, how to put the past experience down on paper, Shooting sports director at a boy scout camp, Wet and analytic chemist, Teaching and tutoring, 3 college degrees two of which are in biology, rock hound since I was 5 or so, I have had a bench up ( and now that I can move the Gem ID stuff to a different room in a smaller place I can set my bench up finally again) and also the casting rig, I am cutting rock again so lapidary work...it get's kind of...unfocused when put down like that.

Burned the yard (well most of it) off today, forgot to take the camera out with me and couldn't leave the fire unattended to go get it. But it was a nice controlled/prescribed burn and the yard will be healthier for it. It was starting to green up and today was a perfect burn day, cool, low breeze and it had rained yesterday. Happy Spring everyone!

Some things stay with you.

Two women in Australia had been together for over 60 years yet had become unable to move around and take care of themselves. Their families did not approve of them, not about a love that had lasted over 60 years. The families shipped them off to separate nursing homes never to see each other again, to live their lives out in the care of strangers. Their home together was sold off and no communication permitted by their loving families orders. This is not a unique story unfortunately, variations of this have gone on many times over all over the world.

In our world marriage is a set of legal protections, somewhere over 1100 of them actually. It permits a huge number of rights granted via one action. The instant 'next of kin' status that gives the partner is something that it can take a lot of legal work to get near and in some states (like North Dakota) it's illegal to put those together (can't ban marriage, ban same sex couples from putting together the legal similarities to it).

Often the opposition to same sex marriage is sold to the masses as being against a holy sacrament. The real fight is not about the sacrament of marriage, it's about the legal state of marriage. When the real world effects are presented most people think it's not a problem (visiting in hospitals, shared ownership of property and the other things). They have often been sold the lie that if same sex marriage is legal then THEIR church will HAVE TO let same sex couples marry in their church. When pushed and pointing out that the separation of Church and State would prohibit the state from forcing their church from performing any marriage it does not want to sanction often you see the opposition at least falter if not drop. When you talk about this to folks press that the issue is not about the sacrament of marriage, it's about the legal state of marriage.

I hope/think that folks are realizing that the lie they were sold is not true, and withholding the same rights they would want for themselves from couples that happen to be same sexed is wrong. I know this is permitting my faith that people are in general good to guide me but I do think they are when it comes down to it. Fear can overcome reason, but when it's close to home, when people see their friends and families harmed or discriminated against, that fear has less and less a hold.

So why am I writing this? Each time someone comes out, every time you just live your life out, ever time you are just another person and the folks around you know you are LGBTQA, you bring a human face to the argument, not a distant terror or stereotype. You help break that fear, you fight for us all, just by being out and being yourself.

This is why it's important to be out. This is why acknowledgement of being LGBTQA is important if asked, why being you and not some stereotype is important. We fight the prejudice that harms all of us, that force folks to stay closeted, that get's kids kicked out of their homes, that breaks apart families or sees sons and daughters disowned for who they are.

Be proud of who you are, be out, that is how we will win. Yes, legal fights, demonstrations, and the rest are important too but to change the minds of the nation can only be done face to face. Be one of those faces.

Rob Ayotte, 3/9/12

First time I needed to clear snow this season. About 100ft into it the propeller froze up and lot's of oil came out. Motor works but no tossing or moving of snow. Have to call tomorrow and see about getting it fixed. Shoveled some of it but couldn't finish the whole drive.

New disparaging but accurate name "Thumpin' breeders" This hit me while I was cut off by a gal in a car with a "I love jesus" and Baby On Board sign in her back window along with other holier than thou clingies and signs so she should barely see out, waving her cigarette in her hand with a baby seat in the back. She had to floor it to get in front of me only to sit there for several miles in start and stop traffic until she turned off into WalMart's parking lot.

She could have pulled in behind me, instead of taking that one car of safety in front me me. But the hypocrisy is what really got to me. I have nothing against folks that have kids who they love and care for, or for folks with any religious faith. But those that feel these things make them better than everyone else, that it is then ok to do as they please and step on anyone, those folks I can do without. I see an unfortunate number of folks that plaster their car with the Flag, Jesus and often notes of their ability to breed, many are women. It makes me question my own fight to be non-judgmental and fair until someone proves themselves to be an ass, it is getting hard to see a car like that and not proactively get a bit more defensive, and worse to think less of the person inside of it.

Just finished the last text based assignment, from here on out it's Gem ID, 17 boxes of 20 and then the 20 stone final. Hey, it's a pretty big step. On the Way to a G.G.!

I can do a box usually in a day, depends if there are new stones I haven't seen or interesting ones that make me want to spend some more time checking. The trick now, getting them here. I can have 4 sets out at a time. I am having them shipped in pairs. I have one here now (for assignment 20), when I finish and send this back I will be at 16 boxes/8 shipments. Trying to get them to ship out a new box the day they get one of them from me, we will see if they will go for it and not a schedule.

The final is 20 stones, 2x3 hour blocks, 10 stones per block, 100% required. I could take it at GIA (meaning a trip to CA or NYC) or by proctor here (way better price, they have agreed to let me come in the day before and bring all my equipment and set things up. Then, I go home and try and sleep and go back for a full day of ID and spazing.)

Equipment:
Microscope, diffuser plate, blue filter, polo filter set, darkwell plate
fiber-optic white light source
DAZOR table lamp with daylight (5780k) bulbs
specroscope (3 different ones), dichroiscope, color filter, tweezers, pick, gem cloths
Refractometer and fluid with spare, white tissue, mag and polo adaptor
polaroscope
2 scales and specific gravity rig with water/soap
a few microfiber clothes for drying things
Ref. books and papers
UV cabinet (LW/SW)
optivisor, other stone holders and tweezers and spare stuff
regular reading glasses
color chart
extra pencil, batteries for the things that take batteries

Get an hour for lunch, so will depend if the college is in session, may need lunch, will need drinks, gal of water.

Likely more things, need to write up a list so I can do check off's.

I have at least 5 friends with Birthdays on the 14th of Feb, 3 very special to me and on line. I know at least 2 of them somewhat resent that a hallmark holiday also falls on that day. I want to wish them each a Grand and Happy Birthday, for I celebrate each one and the way they have touched my life.

Truth be told, all 3 are amazing people. Each has a place in my heart and life, and each most certainly deserve to be celebrated for who they are and the lives they touch.

MaryLiz - I met you, what seems so very long ago. One of the kindest folks, that has an inner strength you seldom let surface but that is actually greater than most anyone I have met. So much love there, you have some lucky boys to shower your attention on. We share a few things, like a hunger for knowledge on perhaps obscure topics, a touch with time past and a feeling of the importance of working by hand to make something.

Alex - From the time I met you (?18 years ago?)to today, much has changed. I don't know why but I saw so much more in you back then, I knew there was great potential and a very passionate soul looking for the way forward. Over the last numbers of years you have found your footing, realized you can believe in yourself and just how amazing you are. You have found love and broke one of your last major barriers to happiness. I have never seen someone blossom in life as you have. Still, I recall riding in your black truck when "If I had a Million Dollars" played and I saw you smile and the joy that was there. I think that comes out a lot more now.

Steve - What a compassionate soul. You speak more with action than words, even if that action is listening. Someone that's learned many of life's lessons and incorporated that into themselves like few I know, it's a special and rare gift. You share your life with many but have by your side an amazing man that complements you well.

Each of you has love in their life, close and secure. May that love continue to grow, and that warmth enfold you and see you though to next year and many more beyond. Happy Birthday.

It's getting cold and the house knows it. It speaks as the temps drop low, thuds and creaks and bumps abound as outside the world cools down and shell and center equilize and each assumes it's new found size. The words it speaks are like a mans whose days are long behind, and feels the winters chills down deep in joints that do remind. My house is old and speak to me, I hear it all the time, but louder still are days like where change is strong and forced. As frost coats windows and front doors, it rumbles like the aged man in pain but yet aware that change is constant in this life, and brave the face it saves.

http://flic.kr/s/aHsjyBXMRe

It's been warm and dry, my basement has't been this dry in years. There likely will be no flood this year. I had held off saying anything because ...well Murphy is a bitch.

There are times where bits of your childhood slip away, and you remember so much. When I was a kid my father had a number of very colorful, interesting friends. Terry Hayes was one of them who my dad pushed away as he got more bitter later in his life.

But Terry, really Theron, was a spectacular man. He died 2 days after his birthday, and had I taken the time I could have seen him last May when I was on the West coast. We had last talked after my dad died. I wish I had found him and made contact, I thought he was up near Napa, but..I was wrong, I was about 35 miles away from him.

Terry had 3 Sons, I never knew that. He did marry Antoinette, not sure if it was a common law or official way. He lived with extraordinary women. When I first knew him he was living with Astrid Anderson who to this day, her image is firmly in my memory, both as an amazing mind, talk, fair skinned woman with an amazing braid and perhaps the most perfect breasts I have ever seen. She was one of those brilliant folks that hide in plain sight. Her father happened to be Poul Anderson, the Si/Fi writer. It was at a party before the Apollo/Soyuz launch that Astrid got is into that I saw these two fellas sitting on the sofa in the living room talking, and no one bothered them, they would come and listen, and all the louder talk moved to the back rooms of the house. I was 11 and had no idea that the fella with the funny collar and the other with the large mutton chops were Clark and Asimov.

There are two paintings that Terry did hanging in my folks home, from a time where he stayed with us, he gave my Mom some tips on his style of painting and they (Astrid and he) repainted their van under the long leaf pines on the side of the house in Wilton Maners. Astrid left Terry at the alter, well after he finally proposed, for a fella she met when he got her flying, guy named Greg Bear, you might have read some of the stuff he's written. Last I heard from Astrid was back in 2001 when her Dad died.

Terry found another amazing woman, who he stayed with the rest of his life. From a Bask family in Napa, Antoinette was someone I think I only met a few times. Terry had moved from New Orleans to CA. Antoinette was and I am sure still is one of the sharpest minds I have encountered, and growing up in wine country she knew them well by vintner and vintage. Someone I could honestly say has a sparkling personality and a range of knowledge that begs for more conversation even late in the night. And Terry was always fond of beauty and Antoinette was,and I am sure (hey it's been 20, almost 30 years) still is a beautiful woman.

Below is his Obit from his squadrons's newsletter. Terry talked a bit more about his service than my Father did, but not much. He was a tail gunner on a bomber. What it doesn't mention is one story he hold of doing a night time bombing run, hitting exactly where they were told only to find they had bombed their own troops. It was on order from General Patton as he thought the troops, mired in mud with long slow supply lines, were moving too slow.

Terry once gave me a medal he was awarded in WWII. It is in a box that's been moved around, not sure where it is now, but I need to locate it. To him it was a reminder of times he would rather not think about, but for me it's a reminder of the man and times when I was a kid, and it should have a place of honor, I know where.

Fly high and break the clouds, take wing on canvas and propeller and guts, seek the forever bright sunrise and feel the freedom to soar though the ether unfettered.


From: The Molesworth Pilot, news of the 303rd Bomb Group.
January 15, 2012
Volume IV, Issue 1
www.303rdBG.com


Theron Martin Hayes was born 21 December 1923 to Merton Curtis Hayes and Eleanor Horton Hayes, in Caledonia, NY. He died in San Diego, CA on 23 December 2011.

Hayes aspired to be both an aviator and an artist from early childhood, drawing World War I dogfights in the margins of his school text books, which became animations when he flipped through the pages. From early childhood until the end of his life, he was an expert in World War I aircraft design and warcraft. He worked at the local airport gassing and washing airplanes in order to earn flying lessons as a teenager.

At the time of the bombing of Pearl Harbor, Hayes was studying mechanical engineering in order to become an aircraft designer. He attempted to enlist in the Navy, but finally joined the US Army Air Corps from 20 February 1943 to 23 October 1945. He was a technical sergeant serving as a co-pilot in the 303rd Bomb Group, also known as The Hells Angels, in the Eight Air Force, at Molesworth. His crew flew 32 missions over Europe, once ditching in the English Channel, crash landing in France, and crash landing at Molesworth from flak-damaged tires.

Following the war, Hayes attended Delta State College in Cleveland, Mississippi on the GI Bill where he earned his commercial aviation rating. He became a commercial pilot flying cropdusters across America, ranging from Florida to the Dakotas, including a stint flying banana plantations in Equador (1963). During the off-season he had commercial art studios in Memphis, TN and later New Orleans, LA. In 1963, he was hired by NASA to develop conceptual renderings for Apollo project spacecraft that were just being designed to take man to the moon.

He became chief pilot of Mosquito Control for the City of New Orleans in 1965 and was awarded the Key of the City of New Orleans for flying insecticide following Hurricane Camille that saved the Mississippi gulf coast from a typhus epidemic. He was instrumental in the development of the Grumman Agcat cropduster, basing its design on the World War I fighter plane, SE-5.

Hayes suffered a heart condition in 1974 that forced his retirement from aviation and he resumed his career in commercial art in New Orleans, relocating to Oakland, CA in 1977. He had a one-man show of World War I dogfights in New Orleans in 1964 that resulted in being invited by the San Francisco Chronicle to stage a one-man show in San Francisco in 1964. He had a one-man show of his paintings on the Reno Air Races staged at the Oakland Airport and in Reno, Nevada in 1985. He relocated to San Diego in 1987 and became a member of the restoration volunteers at the San Diego Aerospace Museum in Balboa Park, where his paintings of the Reno Air Races are in the permanent collection.

Hayes' last body of work features over forty paintings of “Landmarks of the World” including the Statue of Liberty, Niagara Falls, the Eiffel Tower, Macchu Pichu, the wall art of Altamira Cave, Stonehenge, and the Goodyear Blimp (itself a landmark of the world and a platform from which to observe the other landmarks depicted in this series.) “Landmarks of the World” was a breakthrough in subject matter and style for Hayes. Moving beyond his whimsical and technically precise illustration style, he started using color and forced perspective to depict iconic landmarks in a manner that causes the viewer to reconsider their importance and role in world culture. Hayes strove for creative breakthroughs; for example, interpreting a sensuality not previously depicted in representations of the Statue of Liberty. Celestial, terrestrial, architectural, archeological, anthropological and natural; these were constructs much beloved by Hayes and the deeply abiding inspiration for these ground breaking paintings. He began work on this series in 2000 and continued painting new pieces through 2011. This series is available for showing by appointment.

Hayes was the author of “Above the Fruited Plains,” and “Make It Look Easy,” fictionalized accounts of his cropdusting experiences.

Hayes will be interred at Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery or in a national cemetery in the Boston, MA area later this spring. A celebration of his life will be held on May 5, 2012, anniversary of his surviving the crash of his cropduster in Boyle, Mississippi in 1957. Hayes has three sons, Michael, William and John, several grandchildren, and is survived by his wife, Antoinette Azevedo. Cause of death was complications of congestive heart failure. Donations in Hayes’ memory may be made to the San Diego Aerospace Museum or to organizations supporting veterans in need. Hayes was under the care of San Diego Hospice from late November 2011 and died at home, in his own bed, surrounded by people he loved and who love him.

One of my Mom's fears is that when she goes, my brother and I will slowly loose contact, that we will not have family, well, I guess that I will not for he has one of his own now.

My Fathers passing was after a long fight, we were able to mend fences and prepare, it was easier I would think than an unexpected death. Still, he was hard to buy for, he got the things he wanted. I know the very few things I gave him that he really cared for, one was a spoon I made for him, based on a 1583 English design. He framed it and was so proud of it, I found out that my Brother has taken it after my Dad's passing, it's now in his home. It tells me just how important it was to him, for he must have spoken to Alex many times for it to have passed to him as it did. And it will pass to his son some day, and the stories will go with it, and I will be remembered along with it.

I hadn't thought about it before, thanks for your post, it's put the 'what the fuck is that doing here' when I saw it in Alex's (unspoken) into perspective.

When I breath I hear a gurgle
bubbles form and burst inside me
air intake and exhalation
bring the sound of my vexation

Virus bug or bacteria
I wish you were exterior
So I might rid the world of you
and feel again superior

One thing I don't like about being sick, esp. with a virus with coughing, I tend to get an irritation of the diaphragm on the right side. It itches inside. Stretching can help a bit for a short time. Still if it goes on it once drove me to the hospital and they called it pleurisy and it hurt like hell. The itching is annoying, keeping the coughing down is important.

You know, sugar free cough drops, while I am glad they make them, all seem to taste the same after a while.

Virus, when I was going to school, had not been determined is they were alive or not. They are just a protein shell and genetic material but have no other functions. So they don't meet, on their own, the definition of life. Virus hijack living cells to reproduce and some theory suggest that virus came from a way of swapping genetic info, like prions (if I recall that correctly), the jumping genes in bacteria. Who says god doesn't make mistakes. Heck just look at the republican presidential candidates, but then, he didn't make them idiots.

I will be fine I know. Just sucks, I get these things rarely, usually bacteria or something else, not the whole body flu thing. That's once every few years that I get one that really hits me more than a little annoyance. Blah.

Someone has been tossing 3-6 inch shells up all night. Great to have pyro's in the city, and a city that doesn't mind tossing up fireworks like that in town.

My book came in! Just as cool as I remembered! Yippy!

It was withdrawn from the Evenston Public Library, it had been checked out 13 times between 1987 and 2003. Published in 1960, it remains the best reference for the subject, and it's descriptions and pictures are amazing.

Still kind of in the happy stunned phase of actually having it here! And the cover is green, not yellow, which works for me since I really like green.

Thinking of ditching cable and going with a Netflix/Hulu Plus subscription and this little streaming box that will also let me play ..movies from my HD. Any thoughts?

I do not follow the Judea-Christian-Muslim belief system. To me the solstice/start of winter, the move around the sun and the change of the year of part of this time of year. I appreciate the love many show, and the warmth that the various traditions inspire and am sorry for those that find themselves trapped by them too.

To me, it's about remembering folks, and being remembered. Did I give/get presents this year, yes, a few. A nice new set of stone tweezers from my Mom (and they do REALLY make a huge difference, so much less tracking down tiny gem projectiles that decide to head to distant parts of the room, endless hours of searching averted), a fruit basket from MaryLiz, delivered in true Santa Fashion, some cash from one friend I help out, and remembrances from a few others in cards and letters.

I also take time to remember some who have passed that went too soon usually years ago, but I take time to remember them. Ken, one of the naturally funniest people I have ever known, George, a great sweetheart of a man with a gentle personality, interesting secret passion, and the most amazing beard, James, always working to be more but hid something that took him early. I remember my pets that have passed, and those people who lived a full life but have passed away.

The perspective, or retrospective on love and life, these are true gifts. Knowing that My Brother and Sister-in-law (I put that last part so no one mistakes me, for she is more a family member and I think of her as a Sister more than the Wife (I did type Wise, Dr Freud in the house), and their 2 kids, who I would give the world to protect but they likely barely remember or know me, are there and doing well if grand. Knowing that my Mom is Living life (just got back from Jamaica it was I think) and not letting it pass by, warms me more than I can tell her. Knowing that a dear friend is forging ahead with life on Her Terms (and I could expect no less MaryLiz) and..well this could go on. And I do remember those that have lost loved ones this year, knowing there is not much one can say but just be there even virtually. But I do think of folks.

So to all that read this, thank you for taking the time, I do appreciate it. And for those I know, I do think of you, from way up here in the cold north country. Please take care, blessed be.

Who's been naught that's really quite nice...

Saw a Snowy Owl fly though the wind of a gray rain/snow day, over the road and up to the top of a telephone pole a few days ago. The speckled white blended into the falling water and dark gray sky in the dim light.

The white bird, with wide wings so large I thought it must be an eagle, but it flew wrong for an eagle or hawk and then I saw the width of the wings, and the flap of the wings, it's movements just weren't eagle or hawk or even some water bird. Such a large bird and I think the first or second time I have ever seen one in the wild. So large, until I was next to it and saw just how large the head was, I wasn't sure it was an owl, but when it fixed it's gaze on me there was no doubt.

I told one person of this driving encounter and they made a joke of it. To me it was a wonderful thing to see such a magnificent bird, odd, I my opinion of that person dropped a bit at that moment. It was not something I was expecting from this person but it was also something that was a bit profound for me, one of those moments that nature gives you.

http://www.npwrc.usgs.gov/resource/birds/owls/nyctscan.htm

The other night I was eating soup..while in my computer chair and it was not pretty. I reached up and tucked my beard into my shirt but realized I could wrap my hand around it and decided to get some hair ties, and found these in bear friendly colors.


I shortly discovered self beard bondage..( Read more... )
Well it comes out fine and all's good in the end, and less beard in food moments and it's portable.

Think about having a ring or pendant where the stone would change color of it's own accord. Like having 2 stones. Rare and sought after these phenomenal stones have been known for some time, mostly starting in the 1830's discovery of a color change Chrysoberyl in the Ural mountains. Since then, people have sought out these color changing gems around the world

There are 4 stones that show color change. Alexandrite (number of different colors, usually green/blue to red shades), sapphire (only blue/violete, hard to see usually), garnet (a number of different colors including blue) and least known and most rare Spinel (Steely blue/grayish/darkish purple).

So rare spinels are not commonly checked to see if they are color change, the color change can be heightened with good cutting. It's also so unknown even by most collectors that the price is very reasonable.

The top stone in these is a color change spinel, the bottom a Sri Lankan cornflower blue sapphire. In direct outside sunlight they are almost the same color.



Next incandescent light, the small oval is an alexandrite, the round a cats eye color shift crysoberyl.



Daylight (5700k) florescent note the face down color of the spinel and alexandrite.


More pics on Facebook and G+

I would fix this house up to save it, after I moved.

Yea I am currently thinking of the Pacific North West, finding a smallish town and locating about 10-15 min out on a hill side with a view of the sea. Full studio space and equipped, space for visitors and lot's of storage and display space.

Some place within 2 hours of a major city, but a place with more like minded folks. Enough studio and long term space for guest artists that might want to get away for a few months.

Solar and wind and maybe geothermal for power and heat. Build it as green as possible, extra energy back to the grid if possible, and have a place where I can have nature, the trees, sky, earth and waters in my life every day. No lawn, just woods with a living and working space in it where I don't see my neighbors in a car, but grazing, flying and being wild.

I have been clearing out some space and found some things, some will get pics, some just bring up so many memories, good things, but a rush of them.

I found a badge from when I was at the Apollo/Soyuz launch and a visitors picture flip book from the space center. I still remember the launch from the dependents location. My folks and some friends had set up a dummy magazine to get press passes. The night before was the party my brother got VERY drunk and we had to leave, it was at an S/F illustrators house and while I had no idea who they were I do recall the very distinctive pair of men talking on the sofa all night. I didn't sit and listen like many others, I was boared at the adults party. Those two men, Issac Asimov and Arthur C Clark.

Found my old Kaypro books and some disks, unopened casset tapes. I also found the 2 tapes that I drove from about 5000 miles with, they were the only tapes (there was one more) and an AM/FM radio in a VW van when I was 18 going to an Outward bound trip in the boundary waters.

Pics of Anna when we were still in S. Florida, my little girl (cat). I still miss her.

Fossils from a 1983 river snorkeling trip on the Wassilla river. Mostly small mammal and turtles.

My boy scout belt with the slide on badges and a tin with a lot of the cards and the little "Be Prepared" pin.

Tiny shells and others collected when they dredged Ft. Lauderdales beach when I was a kid.

My passport and SS card. I had forgotten I had renewed in 2002 to go to Mexico with my Dad so it's still valid for another year. My how the gray has come in.

My old Compuserve manual with the dial up numbers ..yea. I will take a pic and it's gonna get..recycled.

So many other things, most just boxed back up. Keeping the paper weights for 1st place at the Tallycon costume contest for both '83 and '84 (Where I did the Tom Baker Dr Who, I had the hair for it then) and the Eagle Scout paperweight. It's this kind of flood that hits when I bring up topics and data and info just flow out. I can keep quiet or let it flow but the edit process doesn't work so well. I need to get back but clearing is happening, socks are being found from years past and space is being claimed.

The gray dawn day with swift frigid winds that swept clear leaves that held on last do boast the winters coming fury and hold clear herald of storms to come.

- We hit 7 BILLION people on earth this week
- The Republicans running for president
- Kim Kardashian's stunt (and the other celebs that do it) is ruining the Sanctity of Marriage for everyone
- The oxygen producing areas of the oceans that make most of the O2 we breath have shrunk by half since they started tracking them
- And the scariest thing, Will Ferrell is getting the Mark Twain prize!

To dream, to take that waking time to wander the mind and let it paint it's pictures. To see things made of pasts sights and things desired, constructed of hope and loss and fantasy. To lay abed and let the mind find it's fancy and hopes, wandering. It tells you things in it's wanderings, what you desire but don't admit to yourself, what you hope but likely will never have, and most oddly what you want but never see in those dreams. They sort out what your world tells you you want and what your heart wants.

Funny what those things are sometimes.

Adventure, exploration, intrigue, comfort, friends, but not a lasting presence of another, that surprised me. Is it acceptance or something else such as not knowing what, not meeting the who.

If only we could know this before the damage was done.

Pain is part of life. To some extent and in some way, be it physical or emotional, we experience it every day. This I think makes us grow stronger for it takes strength to live with our pain and not let it control us. We often win over it, but other times it takes the day. How we manage that day, how we move past that pain and live our lives shows our inner strength, or weakness. Every day we show ourselves, every day we strive to overcome life's pain, or to put it together each day we strive to live. We savor love, we can savor hate and other things, but few that live with pain would savor it and those that do are not truly in pain unless they savor it as a punishment they feel they deserve.
RA-10.1.11

If you play games on line stay AWAY from any by KABAM. They have no care for their players, they remind me a lot of NCSoft (the folks that made City of Heroes) but less so. If you want something fun, there are a lot of other games out there, but KABAM just could not care less about balanced play, just getting your money. Friends don't let Friends play games by KABAM.

They are having problems finding venues in San Francisco and LA for the book signing of "Gay in America"

Now, I get that LA and reading ...but...not even a GLBT friendly organization, university program that is Interested to host Scott talk about the project and what it has evolved into? Smaller towns, no problem, but...Really, major cities in California? If anyone has contact that might help, it doesn't have to be tied into a sales area but it could help out a book store.

I keep coming back, not as much as there are fewer folks here, I have turned mostly into a lurker.

But I keep coming back. Because no one here has a friends race, no one is reading my journal just in case I post pics of me, they read to know what is going on. It's a personal journal, something once you get in the habit of it's hard to break.

I find I get to feeling very ignored on the big sites if I post anything over a sentence or more. Not G+ or FB, the quick one shots are all that are there.

Want to know a secret? I don't like those kind of cocktail parties where there are ton's of folks and you mingle mingle mingle all night. I love to find a place to gather a few folks and talk about things, fleeting or what have you but stuff of meaning, the sort of thing that often is ignored at the party but happens when you have more of a gathering. I guess I never really got just hanging out with someone watching TV or something the same way. I could do that elsewhere or watch exactly what I want, movies are more a shared experience thing.

But, give me the right mix or kind of minds and we can talk all night. But not on the "social sites". They have their importance but the limits sort of wear your heart out.

I know the other sites will be important for my business life, and I have met some pretty nice folks on them while this venue shrinks. Still, it's not a world for a rambler, and I am that. So I will be back, here and there, this is still my journal. I may look at dreamwidth, some have said it's a good option, I just want a more active site, that's my main problem here.

I got my copy of "Gay in America" today, it goes on sale on the 28th. I started to read, skimming though and wound up stopping to see ..well us. There are some inspirational bits, and one man's story had me crying. Others brought me hope. Most showed me folks, each with their own past and dreams, but different, unique, and amazing. Scott's photography brings out a lot of dept in people, it was pretty amazing during the shoot how he drew out parts of me and translated them to the lens. This is NOT a book about being gay how ever, it's about being men in the US, the stories are of life not sex, but often of love. If you know anyone that is in the place where they are not sure that they can come out, or be gay because "I don't act/look/what ever gay" they need to see this book.

And for the bears, there's some good eye candy too. http://www.bearotic.com/2011/06/18/gay-in-america-book-inspires-pride-and-respect/

The main page is here :http://gayinamerica.us/

I have more to read, and I suspect re-read. It's also somewhat surreal to see myself on the pages in my outfit I use to cut the lawn, just me on any given day.

Thank you again Scott, I think you have done something that has power, something that will help people. Plus, when I told my Mom I was getting her a copy she was very happy, I wasn't sure, she's still a bit old school but accepts me, and her reaction removed the last fears I had, Big Hugs there Guy.

Politics were something I care about but didn't talk about or act on much, I felt like I could not make a difference. I am still not sure I can, but I also know I can't stand by and let this farce of government continue without action. Jefferson thought we would have a revolution once every 20-50 years. The election process was put in place to try and give us a way to have a bloodless revolution by removing those in power. We can't get rid of those in charge of the parties this way, but we can get rid of those that follow them. Join the revolution. Speak, engage and most of all VOTE THE FOOLS THAT HELD US HOSTAGE OUT OF OFFICE!

Who do we want out of office? If they use their faith to back their hate, if they vote based on what the party tells them and not the people that elected them, if they don't know the basic history of our country, if they hate you, vote for the people that give them money over those that vote for them, if are not For The People..they either need not be elected or be removed from office.

What makes our lives complete. I think there are some common things but also that each of us is different on the specifics.

1) LOVE - We want love, some want that love of a long term thing, others of emotional closeness, others that of many. Some mistake love for sex for a time or all their lives. Some find love in the arms of another, others find love in doing things that make a difference or that they love, others in caring for others and less for themselves. Most find a combination. But each of us also has specifics that others can't share. These are the things we see with out eyes and hearts. The amazing storm, or sun rise, the perfection of a flower or the feeling of going wild on a dance floor. These are our private loves that help make us complete.

2) SECURITY - Without feeling secure we can never know peace. For those that always are waiting for the floor to drop out from below them, or feel they could loose everything or that just can't believe in themselves enough to trust themselves. In that they can never feel secure. They worry about things that don't really matter for their security and confuse happiness with other things. Instead of being complete they are missing something, even if it is right in front of them.

3) Kindness - It's a kin to love, but not love alone. This is the random thing, the part of who we are and how we act and react to others. Without kindness within us, expressed, the part that needs to give that kindness is left empty and we are not complete.

4) BELONGING - Often overlooked, and mostly a state of mind, but belonging is important. It's related to security but differs in that you can belong by being loved even when there is no security, when kindness is shown but can not help beyond that act. When your being there makes something more than it would be without you.

5)HOPE - Yea, a kicker, if you don't have hope, you can't have love, you can't feel secure, you can't feel you belong and kindness is fleeting and may be desperate and not long to last or felt.

Is there more, I am sure there is. Do these things have more to them, sure for each person they will mean something else. But it's a start to understanding the why and how of life. Yea the whole meaning of life is not about a single truth but about understanding happiness and accepting it in our life. Happiness comes from having love, security, kindness, belonging and hope in our lives, accepting them and knowing they are part of us and our lives, and sharing them.

Close to the meaning of life, not quite perfect but then, to each their own, no?

The bench shook, but the colors are pretty.

Shot in low res, I have corrected the setting on my camera, Tuesday shows will be HD

ITs' too long for U-tube, so you will have to see it on Goggle+ they took it. Trying to get the second on up on FB and see if it will cross post it.

Not sure how to share it here. THey are about 17 min long.

I can't stand the loss of the feeling that I know pretty much anyone that can read what I post here when I set it to friends, where the other places are too open.

I want to ask about where I fit in the world and explore the directions I am headed and where I might be in years to come, to wonder about where might be better or what might make me happier.

But I can't do that in the open light, for that I need to know with who I am sharing.

To that end I am going to re-evaluate my friends list here, if I have never met you, or interacted with you I am going to pare down the list.

If I remove you, it's from the private posts, most will be public. I will follow up with a post once this is done to those that remain.

To feel the arms that that nare' entwined
yet see them flexed before me
And wait the hold that will not come
for space and time withhold thee
To meet a man at distance great
whose heart is gold and desires sate
Yet feel the world and time conspire
on earthy wings dash our desire
With love and lust left so enflamed
We burn our selves with cyber pain
'till future time yet now unseen
we quench our love in flesh's embrace

These are links to a number of photo sets on Flicker, click the links to see them. Taken at the San Diego Zoo. I didn't put pics in here, there are some pretty ones scattered in the sets.

Misc - http://www.flickr.com/photos/ra_bear/sets/72157627114181397/

snakes - http://www.flickr.com/photos/ra_bear/sets/72157627238534034/

Larger Reptiles - http://www.flickr.com/photos/ra_bear/sets/72157627238500780/

Otters, too cute! - http://www.flickr.com/photos/ra_bear/sets/72157627114128459/

Grazers - http://www.flickr.com/photos/ra_bear/sets/72157627238484572/

Cats - http://www.flickr.com/photos/ra_bear/sets/72157627114114679/

Bugs - http://www.flickr.com/photos/ra_bear/sets/72157627238467902/

Birds - http://www.flickr.com/photos/ra_bear/sets/72157627114096747/

Bars, part of any zoo - http://www.flickr.com/photos/ra_bear/sets/72157627114061535/

And of course Bears! There's a Koala holding court - http://www.flickr.com/photos/ra_bear/sets/72157627238434914/

Ok, after dinner I tried a new beard cleaning product alled "Lions Mane". You get 2 pumps in your hand and rub it into your DRY beard, it lathers up and then you rinse it out. Does a nice job and a lemon grass light after smell. My beard is softer and FLUFFY!!!



If anything it's fuller too



Can't wait to try the beard bars!!!

Well I think he's gonna do a play about horse beastiality in the nude....Oh that's the actor.

That is the big question, what ya gonna do when you take the big bad down? I think the crew should have been part of rebuilding Hogwarts and he would have been my pic for Defences against the Dark Arts spot. Then again, do they have a Wizard/Witch College/University/graduate studies thing?

What would have have majored in for College? Let's see, killing off evil wizards..no, it, been there.

There are some simple things with summer fruit that may not sound good but really work.

1) Strawberries in Red Wine. _ Use a lightly sweet red, like a red Zinfandel and marinate cleaned and cut strawberries in it. They are just wonderful, you can use them on cake (sponge or angel food) with no added toppings. Or ice cream or on a mild roast pork.

I like them in a bowl just by themselves. You can press them between good bread in a mold like a trifle.

2) Apples or Strawberries with aged balsamic vinegar. You need the 10-20 year old cask aged balsamic vinegar, then just drizzle it over the cut up fruit. The sweet and tangy flavor and the fresh crunch/sweetness work so well. If you don't have the aged stuff you can slowly reduce balsamic on the stove to a point it's almost a syrup, do it slow and have an exhaust fan going.

3) THIS WORKS!!! You need very finely cut strips, they make something that is like a pealer that cuts thin long strips, this will work but you can also french cut them, the smaller the better.

Equal parts Yellow summer squash, zucchini, and carrots.
Heat a pan med high heat. Add a bit of virgin olive oil. When it's ready add the veggies and very quickly pan fry stir them until they are just done (it's very fast) and season with a little salt and pepper. Just amazing. Even vegetable haters will like this.

What a clear irrefutable message

I got an enamled 4 qt chef's pan (like a saucier but a bit flatter on the bottom) and am breaking it in with a chili!

Butter/olive oil
6 tbs garlic
2 very large sweet onions with a hint of salt, sweated.
Small red beans, black beans and barley
Cumin
nutmeg
lemon peal
cinnomon
black pepper
whistershire sauch
several powered pods of chili negro's and several more of chili guallio (likely misspelled)
water
A beer.
1.5 pounds chunked beef, browned in the oil/sauce once the onions/garlic was pulled out.

Simmering now, filling the house with wonderful blends of spices and meat scents. Maybe I should have started sooner, but the first start had to get tossed as I broke a spice jar as it fell from the shelf, so that was an extra hour or so, but...it's all good, or will be.

We often forget that there is a difference between Being Gay and Gay Culture (some call it camp).

That was actually a major basis for the Bear movement. Guys that didn't fit into gay culture, just regular fellas that happen to be gay.

That was coopted by ...the GenX bears who didn't start their own thing but wanted in and brought the camp and culture with them without finding who they were and what they were getting into because the bears accepted people as who they were. Then by media sources that wanted to make a buck of the bear thing so they needed to main stream it and a lot of us have been left behind.

I say fuck them. I am still a bear, I am a gay man, I am proud of who I am and know I am not perfect or some stereotype ideal and I don't care. I am me, an individual, and that is a hell of a lot harder to be in this world of conformists than accepting some made up image or role I am supposed to fit in so I can be easily cataloged and merchandised to. I will take what I want from this world and leave the rest for them that want it.

See, REAL BEARS accept others for who they are, and they learn to accept themselves with all the faults, dreams and hopes intact.

We all have a lot in common, it's just that folks forget that as humans we all share some common things, we love, hate, fear, want, lust, and a list of other things that may not come from a media stream we are fed almost all of our waking hours. For those that abandon who they are for what they are told they should be, they are the lost and will be the forgotten for they have left nothing of themselves to this world.

This is a photoset from my time at the Pala CA area mostly at the OceanView mine, lot's of pics of the local wild flowers, and some mugging for the camera which I almost never do when someone is watching. Click the link below for the full set.

http://flic.kr/s/aHsjveBtQp <-----Click this link to see the full set

Saw this on the way back from the San Diego zoo, finally got it cropped.


Hard to think but it's street legal. Looks like it would be a fun rise.

Retouching the pics made a difference, check out the updated set

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ra_bear/sets/72157627005253399/

It was an overcast day so there was a challenge to get the colors right.